Psalm 42:5

Fulfill Thy Will

By:

Amy Carmichael

O my soul, why art thou vexed

And disquited in me?

Why cast down and sore perplexed,

Goest thou so heavily?

Hath the Lord thy God forgot?

Can it be He careth not?

Nay, He careth. Clouds of sadness

Quick dissolve in gracious rain.

God of all my joy and gladness,

I will tune my harp again:

I will sing Thy love long tried,

And Thy comforts multiplied.

I have proved the heavenly treasure

Sustenance in desert land;

I have tasted of the pleasure

Stored for us at Thy right hand.

Now right joyously I praise

Thee, the Succor of my days

Surely peace, like some fair river,

Reacheth even unto me;

And my leaf need never wither

For my root is hid in Thee

Ever let Thy love fulfill

In me, Lord, Thy welcome will.



Dear Jesus,

I'd like to go soon.

Love, me.

One day, dear India, I will get my feet on your soil and my skin into your air. Perhaps very soon, perhaps not soon enough. Either way you can bet that my day dreams are frequently adventuring your streets, hills, jungles and shores (along with an accompanied and conveniently placed bollywood fan for those bollywood moments) alone with my God, hanging on His every word, but until then... Be patient with me. For I cannot wait until that moment I, from there, will write home and say, "Nothing could prepare you for this place in all its ancient complexities." All I'm waiting for is the way He's prepared.

It is so frustrating that we have such a propensity for fickleness. Not even a week ago I gladly and happily told my Lord that "Whatever is Your timing, I have no problem. I feel I have all the patience in the world. I could go now and I could go in 10 years. It's up to You." 

Then just TWO days later, "I really want to go now. Now? How about now?" Like a kid who was happy to just get on the train to get there but is suddenly overwhelmed with impatience at not having reached its destination. It just keeps going along the tracks at a nice easy pace.

Well when you're overwhelmed with a desire you often beg God to either satisfy it or take it away because its torture tends to be unbearable. But He is too good for He satisfies it with Himself.
In a moment of desperation I lamented that Amy Carmichael was not alive because I felt that writing to her and hearing her direct encouragement to my direct problem was the only thing that would help. In a way it was. Because God who works outside the limits of time, inspired her to write a piece of encouragement during her life that fell on that night's reading and into my empty hands.
Here is what it said.

3. THE QUARRY

"His thoughts said, 'The time of preparation for service is longer than I had imagined it would be, and this kind of preparation is difficult to understand.'

His Father said, 'Think of the quarry whence came the stone for My house in Jerusalem.'"

4. THE TOOLS

"His thoughts said, 'I wonder why these special tools are used?'

His Father said, 'The house, when it was in building, was built of stone made ready before it was brought thither; so that there was neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron heard in the house while it was in building.

'If thou knewest the disappointment it is to the builders when the stone cannot be used for the house, because it was not made ready before it was brought thither... then, if thou knewest My purpose for thee, thou wouldst welcome any tool, if only it prepared thee quietly and perfectly to fit into thy place in the house.'"

"Love me, Love my dog."

Toby

She exists in the realm of eternity (like a Tolkien character) and knowing her, you'll know she allows you to be whoever you are. It doesn't matter. She'll stick by you because your likes, dislikes, pet peeves, annoying habits, lack of volume control or lack of words doesn't matter to her. She's just a dog, and she's here to love and be loved.

I thought that this semester of being confined in a room for hours and days with my mind emersed in homework would make this the most boring and lonely of semesters in a long time (accellerated classes are more time consuming than you expect). How would I find the motivation to study? My world would become "stuck" in monotony and seclusion when I really needed help to socialize and expand my little world. Here it would shrink. Things would just have to suffer for a while.

Turns out God doesn't bring you into a place without providing everything you need. You just have to be open to it.

Now Toby isn't a new blessing. She's always been my best friend (5th grade through college). But I guess God used her specifically, among other constant blessings, as a vessel these past 8 weeks to keep me more sane and content than I have been in a long time. Was it Toby? No, it was God. But that's why it worked. I needed a confidence boost and I needed simplicity and I got just that. Here was a predator sent to look out for my safety and prove that even though she could probably eat me, she was going to submit to the fact that I invade her personal bubble, give her baths, clip her nails and leave her outside longer than she'd like. Her choice and character to love reminded me of what a gift she is. I'm glad she doesn't mind that I can go days without saying a word and then days of constant talking (especially when I haven't left the house for half of the week).  I'm even happier that she has no idea what I'm saying because then I'm not paranoid about filtering. She's not going to tell anyone or get the wrong idea because she has no idea herself. But she is the best listener and she is concerned. Bad days? She sits right at my feet. Happy days? She is ready to share them. No guilt or expectancy between us. Just friendship.

She really is sunshine (with that golden blonde coat, no wonder! :)). I couldn't have asked for a better companion to vent my homework frustration on, work through thought processes with, make confessions to and most importantly, gab about H20: Just Add Water and Downton Abbey to. She couldn't care less. But she'll look at me anyways from her rudely awakened slumber as I tell her all about Branson and Sybil. I guess it's the little things.

I honestly think that Toby would have been the better candidate to share Christ's selfless and unfailing love to the world, goodness knows she has shared it with me. It is no wonder dogs are called man's best friend, and so it is no wonder that I have learned a lot from her selflessness.

She is, after all, only a dog, and she can't replace human companionship, but her simple faithful friendship has shown me more of Christ's love than I can explain. Isn't it amazing how God uses the simplest and most obedient of creatures to teach the most eternal concepts?

God knows how I love her and the comfort she engulfs of steadfast and constant simplicity. I wouldn't trade this semester for anything. 

A Review

Downton Abbey

 

Despite my American bred distaste for the supposed "Jane Austen-ness" of British drama, I am transfixed by this English drama's world enclosed by the walls of an old Abbey that contain a family clad in mystery, exciting dynamic and mouth dropping gorgeous frocks. Oh, and their adorable and intriguing servants who appear more pure hearted and also more sinister than their masters.

Alright. There are several things that are not perfect about this show and, quite frankly, are disturbing. There are some things I could do without, some characters that I wish I could throttle...but what keeps me hooked are the characters that I am instantly attached to. I am simply waiting in agony for the second season to see what will happen to my own favorite couple. Whether or not anything ever does happen (knowing my luck it probably won't) is what also keeps me holding the upcoming season at arms length. What if my hopes are dashed? What if my favorite characters let me down? What if the wicked and cruel are not brought to justice? So many cliff hangers!! Typical Masterpiece Theater. The end of the every episode is what really keeps your mind hooked on it until the following episode can come about and unfortunately, I am awaiting season two.

One good thing about its haunting cliff hanger characteristics, I have never been so aware of my posture. Let this be a printed review in the mail box of the bungalow post :). My dear sisters! I cannot wait to shriek and gab behind clutched pillows again! Until then let's keep rewatching the first season.




Nemo Music

Gone

The mind's living status. Isolated and imaginative.



I am living in a magical euphoric world where not even stress can get to me. This, however, is a very bad thing. Sometimes when "busy" over stays its welcome my mind checks out regardless of the need for it to stay. Come back, mind! Come back!!





Ah, it's too late. She's gone. Living in this room with all her sketches, novels and wooded and epic walkways about in her grasp. Away from civilization. Away from the outside world.

I'm being so productive right now.... writing about my unproductivity.



Get into my brain! "Undertanding" Pathophysiology? Ha! More like "How to Confuse Anything you Ever Learned in One Chapter or Less"

I wish Dr. Crimando had written this class' material.

The view during my run yesterday. Today it was raining as well.

I don't know how I'll ever get my mind back when God hands us days like these. Stay inside and study? Near impossibe.

Cured

My best friend, Toby, has been a bit depressed. Seperation anxiety could be the complete diagnosis or perhaps it's jealousy over having to share attention with children (adorable children!). Whatever it is, Ender will solve all her problems.