Despite my American bred distaste for the supposed "Jane Austen-ness" of British drama, I am transfixed by this English drama's world enclosed by the walls of an old Abbey that contain a family clad in mystery, exciting dynamic and mouth dropping gorgeous frocks. Oh, and their adorable and intriguing servants who appear more pure hearted and also more sinister than their masters.
Alright. There are several things that are not perfect about this show and, quite frankly, are disturbing. There are some things I could do without, some characters that I wish I could throttle...but what keeps me hooked are the characters that I am instantly attached to. I am simply waiting in agony for the second season to see what will happen to my own favorite couple. Whether or not anything ever does happen (knowing my luck it probably won't) is what also keeps me holding the upcoming season at arms length. What if my hopes are dashed? What if my favorite characters let me down? What if the wicked and cruel are not brought to justice? So many cliff hangers!! Typical Masterpiece Theater. The end of the every episode is what really keeps your mind hooked on it until the following episode can come about and unfortunately, I am awaiting season two.
One good thing about its haunting cliff hanger characteristics, I have never been so aware of my posture. Let this be a printed review in the mail box of the bungalow post :). My dear sisters! I cannot wait to shriek and gab behind clutched pillows again! Until then let's keep rewatching the first season.
The mind's living status. Isolated and imaginative.
I am living in a magical euphoric world where not even stress can get to me. This, however, is a very bad thing. Sometimes when "busy" over stays its welcome my mind checks out regardless of the need for it to stay. Come back, mind! Come back!!
Ah, it's too late. She's gone. Living in this room with all her sketches, novels and wooded and epic walkways about in her grasp. Away from civilization. Away from the outside world.
I'm being so productive right now.... writing about my unproductivity.
Get into my brain! "Undertanding" Pathophysiology? Ha! More like "How to Confuse Anything you Ever Learned in One Chapter or Less"
I wish Dr. Crimando had written this class' material.
The view during my run yesterday. Today it was raining as well.
I don't know how I'll ever get my mind back when God hands us days like these. Stay inside and study? Near impossibe.
My best friend, Toby, has been a bit depressed. Seperation anxiety could be the complete diagnosis or perhaps it's jealousy over having to share attention with children (adorable children!). Whatever it is, Ender will solve all her problems.
The effort put into remaining patient for fall has proved beneficial for now in my hours of desired escape from pathophysiology my thoughts find solace in all the little things that allow me to say, "So long summer!" It would only then be a perfect world if our autumn season copied upstate New York and then stuck around all through November, allotting "winter" only to December and January. Then I want spring in February. Spring all the way through May. But since I cannot change the seasons I'll revel in what is already here. :) It's not that I'm under the delusion that it's here (forecast is still over 100) but I can now no longer feel guilty when making plans of creating an autumn world since the weather change is "around the corner."
My family is rallying together to redo the outdated dining room and living room for my mom as her Christmas present and it takes all my self discipline to keep my thoughts from picturing its future beauty when diseases and ailments are calling to me from the worst text book I ever attempted to read. Sunday we will include her in on the plans and I cannot wait to start picking out paint with her! Out will come the daytime running schedule (the heat turns us into nocturnal exercisers) and out will come the melancholy music to soundtrack our artistic efforts exerted on our house of 20 years.
In attempting to escape monotony that school and work often inflict I asked mom if I could get a kitten. She said, "Absolutely not." Darn. There goes my last attempt at a new pet. I threatened to move out. ...At 23 I think that threat starts to lose its potency. Darn!
So off I went to seek advice where it was received from my sister. Art seems a beautiful outlet that we shall once again pursue. What a wonderful way to turn off my school infested mind.
Speaking of which, I now must return to.
Enjoy James Newton Howard :) He's the best.
Have you heard of this guy? His pictures are unbelievably gorgeous!
So you've been wronged or got the fuzzy end of the loli-pop (well said, Marilyn). So the attack came from what you thought was the safety zone. There is only one reason to rise above the disappointments that life gives and I will point you to that. Never mind the particulars. What do you or I care of those? All we can agree on is that they seem to come in relentless waves of attack. It takes a couple days for me to sort through the facts and know that it is satan who is attacking and using simple and subtle pains to mask his identity. But take a lesson from my cousin's tactic, "I know it's a lie if I say the absurd, 'I'm afraid of failure.' and it hits home in my heart." Part of the blow is him telling you the lie and you shrugging it off because, through your logic, it sounds ridiculous and you know it isn't true. Yet it still plagues you because you never give it to God because you never acknowledge it for what it is.
I find my own believed lie to be that I am too sensitive or that surely something must be wrong with me. Maybe. Perhaps I am. But that doesn't make it go away. It still hurts. I could reason every hour of every day about why it bothers me but, we will still find ourselves at the core of the issue: our hearts were not made for this foreign place, apart from the ever comforting and humbling full, unveiled presence of our God. In the end it has nothing to do with who did what, instead I can only be honest with my Lord and say, "I cannot expect eternal content from a fickle and hurting world. You are the only one to bring me full and confident peace."
It's a desperate yet brave battle tactic; to put aside all human reason and run to the arms that hold the most basic truth that appears to hold no relation to the situation at hand. Salvation. The cross. What He did. But oh, it applies every single time. Are we willing to look the part of a fool or an extremist for the sake of just catching that much more of a glimpse of His face? If we do wrong then may the Lord correct us and make us moldable in what we strive for. But if it is right, then let His truth be the only assurance we need. We're brought up in a world that legitimizes everything in numbers, despite the fad of "going against the crowd" it is still won over by majority ruling. But God does not work that way. He works in consistency. He never changes, He sees His work through to the end and out, so we can always recognize Him.
There is a fine balance between seeking justice and giving forgiveness and every time I think I finally have it I'm at its cross roads again. You want God to comfort you when you know you've been wronged so justice can be brought about and you can forgive. Oh but the same God is on their team too and what you end up dealing with is another person with hurts like yours. Maybe God will take your side? Haha! Ah an honest hope. But if they are subject to God's correction then so are you. So here is the simple truth that brings peace:
"I do not have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us." Who cares if you lose the whole world but gain Him? What is the prize? Seek His face. And in so doing you will find that His blood has covered everything and that everything will be dealt with at the right time. Until then, you get to spend time with the Creator.
I still struggle and though the Lord gives His truth it really is up to us if we are going to follow Him into that peace. And one of the main reasons I post this is to share this well known song who's truth has really comforted me. He will never disappoint, never abandon and never betray. And that truth and who He is is enough to keep bitterness out of your heart, to leave you free to move on in His will and to give you wisdom on how to handle life's disappointments. Technically it isn't a quick fix, but it's better. It is redemption.
