19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; 26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Just to stress the amazing importance of astronomy and the privileged front row seat to the galaxy that God has given us... In addition to the super moon and solar eclipse there was another celestial event that won't been seen again for another 105 years (so the one blog that I read told me). Click HERE to look at it yourself.
Science is so cool!!
He saw my heart's woe, discovered my soul's anguish,
How in fever, in thirst, in atrophy it pined;
Knew he could heal, yet looked and let it languish, -
To its moans spirit-deaf, to its pangs spirit-blind.
But once a year he heard a whisper low and dreary
Appealing for aid, entreating some reply; Only when sick, soul-worn, and torture-weary, Breathed I that prayer, heaved I that sigh.
He was mute as is the grave, he stood stirless as a
tower; At last I looked up, and saw I prayed to stone: I asked for help of that which to help had no power, I sought love where love was utterly unknown.
Idolater I kneeled to an idol cut in rock!
I might have slashed my flesh and drawn my heart's best blood: The Granite God had felt no tenderness, no shock; My Baal had not seen nor heard nor understood.
On dark remorse I rose; I rose in darker shame;
Self-condemned I withdrew to an exile from my kind; A solitude I sought where mortal never came, Hoping in its wilds forgetfulness to find.
Now, Heaven, heal the wound which I still deeply feel;
Thy glorious host look not in scorn on our poor race; Thy King eternal doth no iron judgment deal On suffering worms who seek forgiveness, comfort, grace.
He gave our hearts to love: He will not love despise,
E'en if the gift be lost, as mine was long ago; He will forgive the fault, will bid the offender rise, Wash out with dews of bliss the fiery brand of woe;
And give a sheltered place beneath the unsullied
throne, Whence the soul redeemed may mark Time's fleeting course round earth; And knows its trials overpast, its sufferings gone, And feel the peril past of Death's immortal birth.
School has outmatched me, there is nothing fair or efficient about it, but I keep going like Nacho Libre after his dream of becoming a Luchador. Maybe just imagine me in scrubs coming into an operating room instead. I do at least. Cape, wind and stance included.
I still haven't found my promise ring and you may give me and my parents all the respect you have if you knew all the things in this house we dug through meticulously in hopes it was there. All those drains, pipes, vacuum bags and old trash bags have taught me there is nothing too gross I can't and won't go through if the reward is precious.
I want to move out and be completely independent. And in my desire my family rallied together around me and helped set up a budget for me to see if it were possible. It's not. But now that I know what to chase after I guess I'll start sprinting. I'm trying very hard. I told Jamie that the next time I saw her I'd have my life in order... it's getting pretty close to it. It's quite a different picture from the one of the camel chewing on its fence. And even though it's been tough the road keeps moving and I'm savoring that movement.
I had written about adrenaline a couple months back and my craving for it in a season of stuck, bored and paralyzed. I will revisit its source of fear and the desire to get over it. But now I see there are so many faces to this demon and am now craving peace, quiet and assurance. I don't want to jump off a cliff. I want to be under an open sky and surrounded by mountains or redwoods that prove that there are bigger things than my tiny little distressed world and its failures. A place where I'm safe under God's omnipotence and awesomeness that shrinks my fear into the tiny, insignificant and powerless stature that it truly is. I want to breathe and let my mind simply stop for a while. There is a mad battle going on in there that will burn itself out if it doesn't stop to rejuvenate.
Solar eclipse behind one of my favorite flowers (Mexican Bird of Paradise)
Everything is so new. I feel so eerily new. I feel scared for the new potential God is putting in me and I'm so tempted to shrink into old handicaps for how familiar they have been to me. But like Bilbo, I've already left the Shire, and so cannot draw from the old comforts of my hobbit hole.
On an awesome note - I'm half way through the Two Towers :) Can't you tell?
Super Moons and Solar Eclipses? I feel like I'm living in a fantasy sci-fi novel. There is nothing passive or earthly about it.
