(I found this old entry of a few months in my computer journal and took comfort from past comfort. I hope it does the same for you)
"The Peter Pan syndrome is an interesting and potent one (as Jamie will attest to). No matter how many times I marvel at God's ability to give me more of a childlike joy than when I was an actual child, I still cannot pass an eve of my birthday without panicking ovver the situation of "growing up" and moving farther away from the years of adolesence. Each eve is a night to sit in view of the night sky and ask God for courage to brave the next year and all its discomforts, growing pains, change, seperation and estrangements. But the Lord knows me well. And instead of shaking His finger at me to dismiss my illusion of paradise of innocence in age, He speaks to that very part of me that is confused and ends up using that syndrome to show me how much of a real adventure it is to grow up. So as I sat in my usual birthday eve spot (on Toby's bed, bothering her :) ) I looked out at the stars on this clear winter night, 23 February 4ths later from when I first came into their view, and recalled the thoughts that I shared with God the night before when listening to John Williams.
Creation is an unbelievably fascinating and epic thing and each bit reflects something of God's fascinating character in a mind blowing and uncanny way. Because it is, I often wonder that if creation is so closely connected to God, and we are sharers in Christ's inheritance, then don't we also have a connection with that creation? Stewards, but also heirs. This song brought a thought to mind in relation about how God uses His creation as an avenue for His love.
I don't think we can see all the gestures He makes for us in love, and I can only imagine how many there are. What if there really was a star in the sky for me? One that had my name and story written all over it and put in the sky to shine out as a symbol of hope and true love from my own Creator. Wouldn't it be like Him to make such a gesture for every soul that He created whether we knew of its existance or not? If He sent His son for us then how tiny of a task would it be for Him to create a single star in the sky, lit for you? And if this would be true (for there are more than enough stars to go around) how many other gestures and gifts have I not seen, simply because I am too caught up in my own little world of boring dismay? The Lord knows. Oh, He knows. It's a fanciful thought, but one that allows me to see that even when I push my imagination about God it doesn't even come close to all that He does and how who He is is closer and dearer to my heart's existance than I could ever imagine.
I wasn't looking at the year of 23 as a very hopeful, promising or enticing one for everything in the last 3 months had changed my pending plans to a completely new and unfamiliar road (welcome to adulthood I suppose). Now, with my old plans no longer welcome, and my every day life at His complete mercy, I would expect this year to be one of true surprise."
|Pleaides (my favorite)|